wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
