Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
