i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
