Umm I'm too high to move.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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