if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
