Say something about gay babies.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
