I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
