My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
