I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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