I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
