i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
