did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
