I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
