u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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