how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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