I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
