you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
