The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
