please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
