Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
