I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
