I think I died a long time ago.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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