Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
