apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
