Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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