nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
