Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
