Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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