That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
