Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to make out with him forever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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