Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
