sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
