I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
