I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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