Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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