why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
