Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
