Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
