I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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