I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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