i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had sex on a roof
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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