a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
