And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
