Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
