Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
