My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
