your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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