hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
