One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
