So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
