nut hugger
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
