Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
