Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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