If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
