My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
