Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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