I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
