i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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